Former Blackout Artist

My mom’s sickness came on in the spring of 2020. It was the same week that my sister was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. That was a tough week. And it would lead to the most challenging season of my life.

Being retired (and my brother being consumed with work at his job), I assumed the responsibility of being her caregiver. Let me tell you – this is a challenging responsibility! And it requires an abundance of patience and grace – two things that (at the time) I had very little of.

Taking care of an elderly parent is awkward. My mom had always taken care of me! She was the one who listened to me talk and complain about all my “problems” in life. Yet it was always her advice that made the most sense, even though I was stubborn to accept it at the time.

But then I found myself taking care of her and being the “listener,” the confidante. And it was during that season I realized that I really wasn’t a good listener. But my mom could be so set in her ways! And that created even more tension to an already stressful relationship. She could be so rigid about certain things and that didn’t make things any easier.

And yet, taking care of her that final year of her life was probably the most spiritually enlightening season of my life. I literally could not learn to love someone more than myself without God’s help. I didn’t see that at the time, but I now see it today. Taking care of my mom forced me to rely on God’s grace.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 16:24, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”

One of the most significant ways we can deny ourselves is to take care of someone. To love someone more than we love ourselves. And taking up our cross means obediently following God’s will for our lives, even when it gets really hard.

Taking care of a sick family member certainly qualifies.

And we remember the Lord’s command, “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you..” (Deut. 5:16).

No explanation needed.

Admittedly, I didn’t think too much about those things at the time. All I could think about was how awkward, how stressful, and how “unfair” this all seemed.

I say all that to say this: That time with my mom, as stressful and “unfair” as it seemed in the moment, was one of the greatest gifts God has given me. I learned so much about myself, my weaknesses, and how I needed to become more like Jesus to be a devoted and loving son. The time will come soon enough for our own children to walk in our steps and love us the way we have (hopefully) loved our parents.