Former Blackout Artist

“The poor, the hungry, the mourners, and the oppressed truly are blessed. Not because of their miserable states, of course—Jesus spent much of his life trying to remedy those miseries. Rather, they are blessed because of an innate advantage they hold over those more comfortable and self-sufficient. People who are rich, successful, and beautiful may well go through life relying on their natural gifts. People who lack such natural advantages, hence underqualified for success in the kingdom of this world, just might turn to God in their time of need. Human beings do not readily admit desperation. When they do, the kingdom of heaven draws near.” – Philip Yancey, The Jesus I Never Knew

The year was 1987, and I’d finally completed the 16 weeks of mandatory military training just a few months earlier. The United States Army decided that an Engineering Battalion in Fort Benning, Georgia (90 minutes south of Atlanta) was to be my new “home away from home” for the next four years. I was fairly content with that, as my girlfriend back home was only an 8-hour drive away (much better than Fort Hood, Texas, which was the only other option!).

I’d been at my new unit for approximately 6 months when my unit got orders to deploy to Honduras, Central America. Our mission was to build a schoolhouse for a small rural village about an hour away from the US Airbase there. I was only 18 years old and had never been out of the country. I had no idea what to expect.

When we finished our project and returned home 5 months later, my whole attitude concerning the ‘poverty’ in the town I grew up in had completely changed. The quality of life for the people living there in the village of Choluteca was very poor at the time. It was underdeveloped and basic services there were nonexistent.

We were living in tents out in the middle of nowhere, and yet our quality of life seemed luxurious compared to the locals. There were these little kids that would show up at our project site each day around noon, ironically the same time we would break for lunch. I can still see their stomachs being bloated from malnourishment, and they would sit in front of us and watch us eat our dreadful MRE’s (prepackaged dehydrated food). It was depressing. So depressing in fact that myself and most of the other guys in my platoon would give our lunches to these kids from that day forward. We were a rugged bunch, but not so rough that we could eat in front of starving children. It ended up being the highlight of my deployment there, that one hour each day when we had the opportunity to make these kids’ lives just a little bit better. I still think of that all these years later.

I would often tell my kids about that experience later on, reminding them, “Hey, you should always be grateful to live where you live and have what you have. Not everyone has it as good as we do.” But now as I’m learning more about what matters most to Jesus and the principles of living the Kingdom life, I’m not so sure. There definitely seems to be a certain enviable value for those who aren’t so comfortable and secure, who have to rely exclusively on God for even the bare necessities.

I know what I’m having for breakfast this morning. I know what I’m having for dinner. If I don’t feel well, I get in my car and drive myself to the doctor. If I want a new pair of sneakers or a Starbucks latte, I’ll go to the shoe store and stop by the coffee shop on the way home. I have air conditioning. I have heat. I have electricity. I have 3 bedrooms, each with a nice, comfy bed. I have cable television. I have internet. I have a $1600 mobile phone. I could go on and on and on.

I can’t remember the last time I saw something that I truly needed but didn’t have the means to get it. I can’t recall the last time I got on my knees and prayed, “Lord, I don’t know how I’m gonna pay this bill” or “Lord I need your help to put food on the table.”

Philip Yancey was right. I am comfortable. I am self-sufficient. I do have enormous advantages that many others don’t have. In this life, I am incredibly successful according to the world. But none of these things make me successful in the life to come.

Just some of my honest thoughts this evening. Not sure if they make any sense. Not sure if there’s a point, other than the fact that the Lord sure has blessed me with a comfortable life. And it’s so good, sometimes the kingdom of heaven doesn’t seem as near to me as it should.

Maybe you can relate?