I recently ran into an old golf buddy I hadn’t seen for several years. We shared some fun times together on the golf course for the better part of a decade. Alcohol was most always involved and very much a huge part of that lifestyle for me. But once I got sober and began following Christ, my desire to play golf pretty much abandoned me altogether. In fact, I’ve not hit a single golf ball since.
So when I ran into my old golf buddy that day, he was shocked to hear that I no longer played. “Nah… you’re kidding, right? Dude, you’re too good of a player to throw in the towel like that! You’re not serious, are you?”
“Yep. Sure am. I haven’t touched a club since the spring of 2018.“
Naturally he wanted to know why. And so I spent the next 10 minutes summarizing a 30-minute story that I’ve shared multiple times in recovery meetings in the years since.
“What do you do with all this free time you have now that you’re not playing golf?” he asked. “Well, actually I don’t have a lot of free time these days,” I replied. “Believe it or not, I’m active in recovery and also involved in a few Christian ministries.”
His mouth almost hit the floor. “OMG… What in the world has happened to you, man?! You don’t drink anymore, you don’t play golf anymore, and now you’re a Bible Thumper? You?”
“Yep.I stopped looking for lost golf balls and started looking for Jesus. Turns out that he was looking for me the entire time. And I’ve never been happier in my entire life, man. You should come to church with me sometime, bro. It’s a great time. Good people, good music, and a great message worth hearing.”
“Look at you, man! You’ve changed! Good for you! But nah, my church is golf. I feel like I’m closer to God on the golf course than I could ever be in a church. But hey, it was great to see you, buddy. And if you ever get back into the game, give me a call. I’m always looking for a fourth!”
We hugged and parted ways.
You know, I don’t believe in coincidences. And the reason I say that is because I couldn’t fall asleep right away last night and I just laid there in bed and thought about how much my life has changed over the past several years. And sometimes I wonder if everything that has changed has been for the better. My perspective on life has certainly changed, and because of that I think that my priorities today are totally different. I can still be rude to my wife some days, although not nearly as often. I can still crave attention sometimes, although that too has diminished considerably. My pride, well… I think that will always be an ongoing battle for me. But I try to be mindful of it.
But am I a better person today than I was a decade ago? Do I appreciate what I have today more than I did when I was younger? Do I allow the little things to bother me like they used to? Am I a bit more thoughtful about what I say and how I react instead of immediately responding?
I remember many nights like last night with not being able to fall asleep, but it was for far different reasons. Guilt, shame, loneliness, fear… needing to drink and numb out before passing out. But not anymore. It feels good to just be so thankful for life today that it keeps me awake once in a while.
Anyway, there’s not much of a point to my post tonight. Just some personal journaling and reflecting. It’s been a crazy ride, though. Gosh. Yeah, I can understand why my old golf buddy reacted the way he did. I’d be shocked too.
And maybe that’s not a bad thing.
Former Blackout Artist 