“Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.” ~ Alcoholics Anonymous p.20
It was getting late in the evening and all I wanted was a few minutes of personal time to enjoy my favorite tv program. The day had been busy, but productive.
Roughly sixteen hours earlier the alarm clock reminded me it was time to rise and shine. I’d arisen alright, but as I looked in the mirror – I certainly wasn’t shining. The bags under my eyes were begging me to go back to bed, but a hectic day of appointments and meetings awaited.
As I watched television that evening, I began dozing in and out of sleep. Maybe I’ll sleep here in the recliner tonight. This feels like heaven.
Apparently “Heaven” must be the word trigger that activates the “Marimba” ringtone on my cellphone.
I grabbed my phone and immediately looked to see who was calling me at this hour of the evening. “Incoming call: JoeD.” Joe was someone who I’d met at an AA meeting several months earlier and had encouraged to keep attending. But like a lot of newcomers in AA, I hadn’t seen or heard from him since.
What to do, what to do… surely if I don’t answer, someone else on his contact list will pick up. As I sat there for a few seconds, all I could think about was how tired I was. Is it my job to save the world? At this late hour in the evening?
The life that I have been given today is only because of this precious gift of sobriety that God so graciously gave me several years ago. It was certainly not earned; I did nothing to deserve it. I had turned my back on my family, my friends, and even God Himself to chase the only thing in my life that could offer me the emotional numbness I craved. That life was one of extreme selfishness and self-pity. I thought nothing of anyone else. The only thing that mattered in my life was me. And I allowed that to take me down a path of utter destruction and regret, and I would suffer there for many years. But thankfully, praise God!, someone answered the phone and was there to listen to me when I was the one asking for help.
Deciding that I could squeeze in one more item before going to bed that evening, I slid the button on my iPhone screen over to take the call.
“Hi, Scott. This is Joe. I’m sorry to call you this late, but I desperately needed to talk to someone. I don’t want to live like this any longer. Can you help me stop drinking?”
I spent 30 minutes talking with Joe and told him that I would gladly take him to a recovery meeting the following morning.
Unfortunately, Joe didn’t attend that meeting with me that next day. After numerous attempts to call him as I sat waiting for him in his driveway, I left his house 20 minutes afterward more sad than frustrated. I have been precisely where he was, scared and lonely. I know that place well; where the fear of changing seems greater than the pain of my addiction. I never want to go back there.
And that is why I answer my phone today, even from those I’ve not heard from in a long while. My sobriety depends on my constant willingness to put others ahead of myself, just as Christ did for us on the cross over 2000 years ago. This gift of sobriety is only….
Oops, hold on. Someone is calling.
It’s JoeD.
My apologies… I need to take this. I hope you understand!
Former Blackout Artist 