“You know, you can be a real ass sometimes, Scott.”
True statement.
Despite being sober for a while now, I can still cop an attitude on occasion. And when that happens, invariably it’s because I didn’t get my way with something, and it’s usually something insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
Ever notice that when you’re not in a rush to get somewhere, all the traffic lights are green and it’s clear sailing? But when you’re running behind? Forget it. They’re all red. Or the state decided to do roadwork on the only route to your destination; or there’s an accident up ahead and you’re stuck with nowhere to go.
Alanis Morisette had a hit song back in the mid-90’s, called Ironic. I couldn’t identify with that song for years, until I finally decided to give alcoholism a try. Using alcohol to cope with depression? “Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?”
More like, Moronic.
But that’s who I was. And sometimes, I can still be that moron. Just because I’m no longer a down-and-out drunk doesn’t mean I no longer have the capacity to make other people miserable with my old woe-is-me thinking.
If you sober up a drunken horse thief, you still have a guy who steals horses.
The 12 spiritual principles of AA help us move out of the problem and begin moving us into the solution. Since we firmly believe that our disease is centered in the mind (what we commonly refer to as a spiritual malady) we start to move away from self-centeredness via self-examination. Of course, prior to figuring out what is wrong with us we have to come to terms with the fact that (a) we have a problem, (b) we need help, (c) there is a God, and (d) we are not Him. Without this foundation of spiritual faith, we cannot recover. There simply cannot be a solution without some sense of humility through a recognition of a Power much greater than ourselves.
When I get in my own head, I am behind enemy lines.
But as we begin working the steps with another more-seasoned, recovering alcoholic (aka sponsor), we gradually start to see ourselves differently. As the perspective of ourselves begins to change, our attitude and outlook upon others and life in general begins to change, too.
And still, no matter how perfectly we work our program, we still screw up on occasion.
The difference(s)? There are a few. For starters, we tend to be more mindful of how impactful our reactions can be sometimes. Then there’s this thing called a conscience that nudges and reminds us, “Hey, that’s who we used to be, but that’s not who we are today.” Then we feel some regret over whatever it is that we did wrong, and then we try to make things right, if at all possible.
Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. ~ 10th Step, AA
At the end of each evening, I go back over the events of the day. Did I talk down to someone? Was I unjustly critical to a particular person? Did I offer help to someone who asked for my assistance? Was I rude or impatient? What did I struggle with today that I’ll try to do better at tomorrow? Was I kind to someone? Did I show gratitude in some way today to God for my sobriety?
I do this because I don’t like letting yesterday’s goings-on bleed over into today’s business. The sooner that I can make the needed corrections with regard to my attitude and behavior, the smoother things will surely go for me.
Yes, we still make mistakes. But we make things right and we try to be better every day.
When we do this, we learn that….
“Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out.”
Former Blackout Artist 