“Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” ~ Genesis 3: 8-9
Nothing good grows in the dark. But that is where we alcoholics have spent much of our lives; in complete darkness, running from our past; running from God. Just as Adam ran and tried to hide from God in the garden of Eden because of his disobedience and shame, so too we ran straight to the vineyard to drink away our shame and guilt.
We cannot become sober on our own, although many of us continue trying. Another crisis, another relapse, followed by another stint at an institution; a desk drawer full of 30-day sober coins reminds us of the futility in trying to stay sober without God’s help. We are quick to blame and make excuses for our latest setback. A nagging spouse, an overly demanding boss, an unfavorable health diagnosis; the list is truly endless. More frustration and misery our only reward, we looked to God only to point the finger of blame.
Willpower alone won’t get it done. It may, for a short while, provide a period of abstinence, but little else. Like a turtle attempting to cross a busy expressway during rush-hour, we go about our miserable lives, dodging one calamity after another. Humility, that nastiest of virtues that we’ve spent much of our lives desperately trying to avoid, becomes the only key that will unlock the door to the room of Grace for which we all must enter into if we’re ever to fully recover.
Sadly, most of us want no part of it.
The unfortunate fact of the matter is that many of us will die hopeless and helpless. Although the autopsy will ultimately reveal that alcoholism was the culprit, the report will not include the real underlying reason: Fear of change.
Faith is the only cure for fear. This is why we are strongly encouraged to begin our recovery with an open mind about God. Whether we truly feel that He had no part in our alcoholic demise, or was the reason behind it, matters not. Ultimately God is the only One who can help us change. Life on our terms obviously didn’t work. The more we resisted and rebelled, the further down into the abyss we slipped.
Some of us spend years searching for that middle ground that doesn’t exist… avoiding death without changing. But we would be wise to better understand our potentially fatal condition. The primary objective our disease has for us is death, but it will settle for us being miserable. It knows if we stay miserable long enough, it won’t take long for us to find our way back to a bottle or pill. So it patiently waits us out.
That is precisely why these words can be found in the 5th Chapter of The Big Book, “How it Works:”
“Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.”
In other words, with everything to gain and everything to lose, and with humility and complete surrender, we ask for God’s help.
We cannot get sober without Him. We cannot stay sober without Him.
Former Blackout Artist 