No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good.
– C.S. Lewis
Recently my auto insurance company sent me an email with the subject title, “Want to save up to 30% on your auto insurance premium? Look inside.”
I figured it was probably a gimmick, perhaps something about referring relatives and neighbors and earning discounted premiums. But I opened it up and read it anyway.
It was actually legit. No referrals involved. All they required was that you download their safe-driving app. Apparently this app has the technological ability to monitor your driving habits. It tracks things like automobile acceleration, driving speed, hard breaking, use of turn signals, use of cellphone while driving, number of miles driven each day, and a few others things. It seems to be a practical way of rewarding safe drivers.
The only problem is – hardly ever do I drive the speed limit. Usually I’m at least 6-7 mph over the posted speed limit. And if I’m on the main highway or interstate, it’s more like 10 mph over the limit. I’m not proud of that, it is what it is. I’m trying to improve.
Before signing up for the program and downloading the app, I thought maybe I should test myself for a week and see how disciplined I could be. Follow the speed limit, no rolling through stop signs, making sure I follow the rules of the road.
Well, the first day was relatively easy. Of course, it was a Sunday and the only place I drove to was church, which was about 12 miles total. I did great. No speeding. Obeyed all traffic laws perfectly. I was feeling good.
Day 2 was a little tougher, but only because someone was tailgating me while I was on my way to the grocery. For like 15 minutes this guy was riding my bumper and really getting under my skin. I was tempted to speed up, but I was like, “I can do this. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Back off, Satan!” So I kept my frustration in check and didn’t let the tailgater get to me. It was a good test, but I felt like I passed.
Day 3 was even harder. I knew I was going to be late to an appointment, but still… “greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.” I apologized for being a couple of minutes late, but they understood. The drive home, however… the highway was empty and I felt like I was driving soooo slow. Somehow I gutted it out. But I really felt that one pulling at me.
Day 4 was a disaster. I lost all my composure. I got so impatient with a slow driver (who drives 10 mph under the speed limit!) and in the process of passing them – I floored it. I know I got up there around 10-15 mph over the speed limit. And since I had already failed for the day, I stopped trying.
Day 5… I lasted all of 10 minutes. Next thing I know, without even thinking about it, I’m doing 60 in a 50 zone. Completely forgot I was testing myself. My mind was so distracted with everything going on. I also fumbled around on my cellphone for a minute or so.
Bottom line – if I sign up for that program, I think my auto insurance premiums might actually double.
That little driving experience did more than expose my driving habits. It exposed something deeper, reminding me of that C.S. Lewis quote. “No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good.”
As long as “being good” stays theoretical, we tend to think we’re doing just fine. But the moment we put ourselves under close inspection – real standards, real accountability – we discover how quickly our good intentions (or good driving) unravels. Pressure shows us who we really are. Hurry reveals our limits.
Paul knew this well. In Romans 7 he admits, “The things I don’t want to do, I do. And the things I want to do, I don’t do.” That’s not the confession of a man who doesn’t care about holiness. It’s the honesty of someone who has tried – really tried – and found himself unable to live up to God’s standard.
Jesus understood this about me long before I did. He knew I could never not sin. Just like driving, at some point I’m going to exceed the posted speed limit or roll through a stop sign without completely stopping. So He didn’t hand me an app to monitor my behavior. He didn’t say, “Try harder and report back.”
Instead, He gave me His righteousness and said, “Here – give me your sin. Let’s trade.”
Part of realizing the impossibility of meeting God’s standard of “good” is accepting the better news that Jesus already met it for me. Grace begins where self-improvement ends. And freedom comes when I stop pretending I can drive perfectly – and trust the One who already finished the journey on my behalf.
Former Blackout Artist 