Jesus wept. – John 11:35
Time seemed to stop in its tracks. I stood there, completely paralyzed, not knowing what to do. With a heart that had never felt more heavy, a tear rolled down my cheek. For the first (and only) time in my life, I saw a side of my father that I had never seen before, as he stood by my grandpa’s bed in the hospital and said goodbye to him for the last time.
He was crying. It was only for half a minute, but it might as well have been an hour in my eyes. The wall had finally come down, even if only for a brief moment.
For too long, society has told men what it means to be a “real” man. “Be tough,” they say. “Don’t cry. Never show weakness. Men aren’t supposed to be that way. They’re strong. Nothing gets to them.” And maybe you’re like me – growing up with a dad who didn’t show much emotion – never a tear, rarely a laugh, and a lot of stoic silence. That shaped me. Maybe it shaped you too. Now, as a dad or a leader, you might feel pressure to raise your kids the same way, interact with others the same way, keeping your emotions locked up inside. That’s what I did.
But friend, deep down, that’s not who God created us to be.
This idea of “toughness” can mess with how we see ourselves in Christ. There’s a real tendency for some of us to think that we’re weak if we feel sad or broken. It might hold some of us back in our worship to the Lord, afraid to sing loudly, raise our hands, or shed a tear because it’s not manly. Worse yet, some of us might believe lies about ourselves – that we’re not enough and we’re letting our family down if we show sorrow, joy, or love. You may think I’m exaggerating, but I literally know a dozen or so guys who live by this unhealthy code.
Then I look at Jesus – the strongest man who ever lived – who wept openly when His friend Lazarus died (John 11:35). He wasn’t ashamed to grieve, to love, or to feel deeply. If Jesus could cry, maybe it’s okay if we cry.
Because the truth is that suppressing our emotions doesn’t make us strong… it actually has the opposite effect; it only builds walls. It keeps us from connecting with our family, our friends, and ultimately with God Himself.
It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to tell your kids that you’re proud of ’em, to hug your wife and say you’re struggling, or to cry during a worship song that hits your heart. Those moments don’t make you less of a man; they make you more like Jesus. He felt things. He had emotions just like we do.
When I got sober in late 2018 and surrendered my heart to Christ, I did something I rarely did before: I wept. I had finally been set free from the prison of my past, my guilt, my shame, and my alcoholism. I finally felt free to be who God intended for me to be. For the first time in my life, I felt a genuine connection with Him, with my family, and with my community. Those were tears of joy! Indeed!
But there would be other tears also. Tears of sadness, grief, love, and sorrow for people I cared about who passed on. Good times, hard times, sad times… sometimes for no reason at all – just being grateful for the fact that I’m alive today, sober today.
As I was sitting with a friend the other day over a cup of coffee, he said something kind to me and I felt my eyes moisten up a bit. There was a time in my life when I would refuse a compliment by brushing it aside and trying to play it off as no big deal. But it was a big deal. I value him as a brother in Christ, and he saw something in me that he felt like I needed to hear.
So I sat there and listened, smiling as a tear rolled down my cheek… so thankful to know that God has put some wonderful encouragers in my life to help me see the bigger picture. I wiped the corner of my eye and apologized.
He smiled at me and said, “That’s okay. Jesus cried, too.”
Yes, He did.
Former Blackout Artist 