Former Blackout Artist

“During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions
with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and
he was heard because of his reverent submission.” – Hebrews 5:7

I saw my father cry only two times in my life, but I can tell you everything about those two moments.

The first time was when grandpa passed away. The moment he took his last breath, I saw a tear roll down my father’s cheek for the first time in my life. I was a teenager and it had a profound impact on me to witness my dad getting that emotional. That my grandpa had just died, naturally, was painful for me, as it would be for any grandkid who loved his grandpa. But it was even more painful for me to see my father heartbroken. The gravity of that moment, when my hero finally revealed a moment of weakness in his life, left a lasting impression on me.

The last time I saw my father cried was July 28th, 1987. That was the day I left home and reported for military service. My folks had driven me to the bus station in town, and waited around until it was time for the bus to leave. We made smalltalk, but I could tell my father wasn’t himself. He was unusually quiet, and just listened while my mother gave me a laundry list of things to never forget.

“Sir, the bus is here and you may now give me your ticket,” the clerk said. As I stood up to go, my father gave me a hug and I heard him gasp as he let go and quickly walked away. My mother looked at me and said, “He’s a mess. He has regretted this day for months now. And you thought I would be the one who couldn’t hold it together! Come here and give me a hug, my soldier boy. Your country is calling you. You take good care of yourself, my son. We love you.”

As the bus pulled away, they both waved and I saw my father drying his eyes with his handkerchief. Then and there I wondered, What in the hell have I gotten myself into!

Why is it so hard for men to cry? Why do some of us just refuse to allow the pain, the sorrow, the love or the joy to express itself through our emotions?

Last week I had to put down my 14-yr-old Yorkshire Terrier. Man… I just couldn’t not cry. There were a lot of tears of sorrow for several days, especially the first couple. And there have been a few since. But now when I think of Duke, they’re tears of joy and gratitude that I was blessed to have such a great companion for 14 years.

So I’m no stranger to crying. I cried when daughter left home to go to college, and then I cried again when she graduated and moved to the west coast. I cried as my son was going through his drug addiction, and then I cried the day he came home from rehab. I cried when I celebrated a year of sobriety myself, back in 2019. I cried when my son accepted Christ and became a Christian. I cried when he joined me for church service on Father’s Day and sat next to me in the pew. I cried just yesterday, when I thought about just how much my life had changed in the past few years.

I even cried as I shared my recovery story to a group of recovering alcoholics the last time I was asked to speak.

Truth is, there are more days that I cry than when I don’t cry. Not tears of pain or sorrow, although they do come from time to time. But mostly tears of joy and thanksgiving for all that the Lord has done for me.

The truth of the matter is that real men do cry.

The Bible says that Jesus wept on 3 occasions. He wept as Martha and Mary became heartbroken over Lazarus’ death. He wept over the city of Jerusalem as he approached it for the last time. And he wept in the Garden of Gethsemane, praying to his Father in heaven as his death on the cross was imminent. These are the only accounts in the Bible, but Jesus was the most compassionate man in the history of the world. I have to believe that during his earthly ministry, he cried more often than what is recorded in the Bible.

Crying is healthy. It is a perfectly normal human emotion. It is good to be sensitive to things that touch our hearts so passionately. But for whatever reason, most men just struggle to become that vulnerable with their emotions.

When was the last time you had a good cry?

Try it sometime. You may actually enjoy it.