I was at an AA meeting recently and a lady with a few years of sobriety shared about an unsettling experience she had at a wedding over the previous weekend. Without going into a long story, she said she felt incredibly uncomfortable being at an event where some people were drinking alcohol. Thankfully she didn’t drink, but she did state that the desire to drink was nevertheless present.
Everything is relative, I suppose. Some recovering alcoholics never completely rid themselves of the desire to stop drinking, despite somehow remaining sober. But her share compelled me to share some thoughts of my own this afternoon about my own personal experiences in recovery.
When I stumbled into my first AA meeting, I wasn’t completely convinced that I could never drink again, despite all that alcohol had destroyed in my life. There was still some denial going on. But over time, as I made a few more meetings and began listening to others share their stories, experiences, and perspectives – I began to realize that I was just like them. I was absolutely convinced that I had that same disease, which is centered in the mind, and the only solution is to completely change my attitude and outlook upon life and others. I asked, “How do I do this?” They told me a number of things. Most importantly, they told me to continue making meetings, get a sponsor, and begin working the 12 steps of the program with him.
That’s what I did.
I didn’t work the program perfectly in the beginning, and today I’m still far from working it perfectly. But I do my very best. I make meetings, I stay in touch with my sponsor on a regular basis, we work the steps together, and through that process God has blessed me to not only stay sober since that very first day, but also to become a sponsor myself and help others by taking them through this same process, these same 12 spiritual steps, that saved my own life.
Of course, people, places, and things that we associate with our past drinking histories are to be avoided at all costs in early sobriety. The goal is to stay sober and avoid picking up that first drink, because once that first drink enters an alcoholic’s system – his mind goes completely offline. Then he wants another, and another, and another. We often tell newcomers, “If you think staying away from that first drink is hard, try staying away from the second!”
We cannot get drunk if we stay away from that first drink.
Our powerlessness over alcohol never leaves, it’s always present. But there is a solution, and this solution, if approached earnestly and worked diligently, liberates us from the compulsion to drink. In other words, we begin a spiritual process that gradually enables us to enjoy productive lives without allowing alcohol to control us.
Keep following me, hopefully this will make sense.
So… I come into recovery with a problem, just like everyone else. I’ve yet to meet anyone who landed in a seat at their first AA meeting because their life was going great. I listen, relate, and identify with others, and begin to understand what I need to do to stay sober, based on others’ experiences. I do what they suggest. I keep making meetings, I get a sponsor, I start working the steps, and help out the fellowship in whatever ways I possibly can. I do these things because if they worked for Jan, Lou, and Robert – they’ll probably work for me too. Their lives during their active alcoholism was just as crazy and unmanageable as mine was.
And for a while, I’m very mindful of the normal drinking triggers for alcoholics in early recovery; the people, places, and things that could tempt us to drink again.
We cannot live our lives in boxes. We tried that and we drank even more. Isolation is not the answer.
But here’s a thought worth considering. If I am required to spend the remainder of my life avoiding everyone who drinks, every activity where alcohol may be present, every eating establishment that sells alcohol, avoiding every movie or tv program that involves some form of drinking scenes – isn’t alcohol still controlling my life? Who truly considers that real freedom from alcohol?
Just because I am powerless over alcohol doesn’t mean I’m powerless over living a healthy, productive life.
I am able to do things and go places today without being uncomfortable that I couldn’t go and do back when I first came into recovery. And there are some AA members, who have more years of sobriety than I do, who can go places and do things that still might make me feel uncomfortable to go and do today. That’s why I said in the beginning, everything is relative. We are all at different levels in our recovery journeys.
But if you’ve been sober for a number of years, yet still experience significant discomfort attending social events, going to concerts, going to sporting events, or hanging around people who *drink normally and not alcoholically* – don’t you think maybe it’s worth taking another look at how you’re managing your program?
There’s an easier way to not drink. It’s called Prison.
The 12 Spiritual Principles of Alcoholics Anonymous are designed to help us recover life. They’re designed to help us change our attitude and outlook upon life, through God’s help. They work. As long as I stay centered in God’s will for my life, continue working the steps with my sponsor and sponsees, and am willing to be helpful to others, I can do things that most other people do today without a desire to drink.
Find God. Clean House. Help Others.
It works.
Former Blackout Artist 